Triangles are everywhere, because the illuminati is everywhere. What people didn't realize was that Toblerone was the illuminati all along. After all, our chocolate is shaped like a bloody triangle. We've finally come clean with our level of involvement in some of the world's largest conspiracies. 

AD: Mikayla Lapierre

Kick off ad. Branded content in The Onion. 


Stickers. Place them on the all seeing eye to let people know who's running the show. 

Crop circles placed near airports, because aliens love chocolate too. 

Jay-Z is our biggest fan.

Jay-Z is our biggest fan.